Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
