She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
