nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
