i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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