so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Congratulations! We have a period
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
