if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
