I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
