SEEEEXXX PLEASE
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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