don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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