dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
