all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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