you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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