My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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