It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
