and my herpes radar will keep us safe
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We just shotgunned beers for America
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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