Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
