I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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