is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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