How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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