The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
