dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
