im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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