He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
