Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
