just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
