I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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