the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Pooping to opera.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
