I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
