there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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