I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
vagina is talking i cant
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
