would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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