Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
