i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
