My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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