can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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