he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
