I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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