Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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