He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
