508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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