The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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