drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
