Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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