he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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