His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
