There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
