You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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