apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
