Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
