Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Randomize
