and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
